Friday, July 29, 2005


Is it because you lack confidence in your own future position that you find it so hard to get on in life? A feedback loop: much of your output is being fed back into your input, and you experience a constant desire to return to pattern. There's a distinct fear of the unknown here that is shaping the way you behave. I could try to think of a new way of saying it, but would only water down the underlying message with unnecessary words. Old habits die hard. And there's a reason for this.

To keep you on track. To control the dynamic behaviour of your system. To prevent you from becoming special. You'll keep working at that job you hate because you feel that to give it up would be giving up. You'll keep hanging around that guy who treats you like shit because you've become comfortable with being treated shit. You'll keep living in your hometown because you're convinced that it's all the same. You'll keep thinking you deserve better but won't do anything about it because you're not certain there is anything better.

Last night, a dream:

A small robot wheels out through the hatch of the repair unit. Blinking, its Active Vision Light Flex Sensors pick up what its processors determine to be morning light. A new day has begun. It gets to thinking about the previous day, and finds that it has no memory of such an event. But surely if there is a today, then there is a yesterday. In the distance, it sees what appears to be other robots going about their normal business. Suddenly aware of its treads, there is a yearning for bipedal locomotion, a longing to be better. I could do something about this. In that instant, two larger bots appear behind the smaller one, guiding it around, back towards the repair unit. "Something is still wrong," says the first. "We've probably just overlooked a loose wire," the other replies. And with that, they disappear back through the hatch.

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