interview

Just for fun, I went to an interview yesterday for a job I didn't really want. Some excerpts below:

Large Russian Man: Have you ever stolen anything from an employer?
Me: No, absolutely not.
Big British Guy: I have something to ask at this point...
Me: Alright.
BBG: How about a pen? (Holds up a pen to show me what one looks like) You've never even walked out of the office with a pen?
Me: (Thinking) Well, I've probably walked away with a pen or two in my lifetime, yes. But I don't make it a habit. Look - (I point at a pen on the table) I brought yours back.

(Laughter)

BBG: Okay, so say you've walked away with a pen - would you consider that theft?
Me: Maybe accidental theft.
BBG: So what would you do about it?
Me: I can't promise that I'd make its return a priority.
BBG: And why not?
Me: Well, the pen you just held up is a thirty-cent Bic. I'm not sure that I could justify dedicating any substantial amount of time or energy to returning such a pen. Now, if it were a $250 Mont Blanc, it would be an entirely different matter.
BBG: What if the pen were $99.50?
Me: I'd return it immediately.
BBG: $49.50?
Me: Ditto.
BBG: So what would you say is your cut-off then, so to speak?
Me: (Thinking) I would say $1.00. I mean, hell, I've had $2.00 pens that I've been attached to, and would want returned.

(Laughter)

--- --- ---

LRM: Have you ever solicited the services of a prostitute?
Me: (Grimacing) No.

--- --- ---

LRM: Have you ever experimented with illegal drugs?
Me: Hm... (Thinking) Nope, can't say that I have. Oh wait, I did some underage drinking - so I guess in that case, alcohol would be the illegal drug.
LRM: What would you say if I told you I do not think you are being completely honest with your answers?
Me: I would say you have every right to express that opinion.

--- --- ---

LRM: Have you ever been charged and found guilty of any offence?
Me: Nope.
LRM: Have you ever done anything that you think you could have been arrested for?
Me: Hm, interesting question. (Pause) No, I'm pretty sure not.
LRM: Would you say you are being completely honest with us today?
Me: Yes, I am being as honest as I can be.

--- --- ---

LRM: Well, I think I am about done with my questions. Do you have any, BBG?
BBG: (Turning to me) Not so much a question, no, but I would like your opinion on something.
Me: Sure.
BBG: It doesn't matter if you agree with this stance or not, but I'd like you to present an argument for why all drugs should be legalised.
Me: All drugs?
BBG: (Smiles) Yes, all drugs.
Me: Alright. In fact, I'll argue why all drugs and prostitution should be legalised.
BBG: (Purses lips, nodding.)
Me: Not that I agree with that-
BBG: (smiles) Of course not.

--- --- ---

In the end, they offered me the job - I declined.